The words we don't say
Speak volumes about us.
How do we make up for the words we don’t say?
This is the question posed by my poem from 10/22/21.
I could fill a thousand pages with the words I don’t say. Let’s hope I say enough To fill a few.
In 2021, I had words. Lots of them. They spilled out of me every day, and I was, for the most part, able to push them in a positive direction. Use them to try to build things, build people up, make our sequestered Covid existence a little brighter.
Today, I still have words. But, with the exception of these occasional deep dives, I find myself keeping most of them to myself. The words I don’t say—there are a lot of them now. But they seem content to occupy space in my brain and chest and heart, and don’t show any signs of wanting to leave.
Maybe the words I don’t say are waiting for something else.
Sometimes it’s nice to keep the words in for a bit. To ruminate on what they mean, what they’re saying about me and where I am right now in the world. Sometimes the most delicious meals require things to marinate, absorb flavor and juices and umami (not sure exactly what that is, but it always sounds good).
(You know what also sounds good? Seeing your friends. Bring them along!) —>
But sometimes the words we don’t say can fester and mold and rot. They cause blockages, preventing the blood from getting where it needs to go. They whisper hints of hemorrhages and tumors and cancers that will creep in if these words aren’t released. They can create delirious fantasies of a better world than the one we know, blinding us to the beauty that’s right here.
Maybe that beauty is no longer enough. Maybe the words I don’t say are waiting for something else. Something to lift them up and take them away. Away to someplace where they still can feel the warm breeze of summer, now faded away as autumn arrives. Away to someplace where all our loved ones are here and happy and safe.
And then, maybe, the words will once again spill out, romp around, and tumble to the ground in a heap, laughing and singing and reminding us why it was worth waiting for them.