The knee and the self-esteem

One needed to be drained, one needs to be pumped up.

I had my knee drained yesterday.

Well technically, it wasn’t my knee. Some fluid had built up just below the knee after I bumped it somehow, somewhere. This apparently can happen to people who spend an unusual amount of time kneeling. This is true for me because in order to help my daughter to the bathroom, to get dressed, to get suited up to go in her gait trainer, and any other number of things, I need to be kneeling while she is on the floor.

Anyway, today’s story is not about the knee. Or the fluid below the knee.

It’s about a text exchange I had with the wife leading up to the drainage appointment:

The last line is the killer.

Many of you (hopefully most of you?) know that every Friday¹ on this Substack I host a live show at 12:30pm Eastern with a wide variety of really cool people. We chat for about 30 minutes about whatever it is they are experts in and how they use creativity to navigate challenging times.

And, if any of you happen to pop on live, you may have noticed that there aren’t many of you there. One or two folks, maybe five or six if we’re having a particularly robust day, and that’s pretty much it.

I would like to say that this doesn’t bother me. That the fact that many of you watch afterwards is all the validation I need. The fact that these things take time to build and grow and that, someday, if I keep at it, there will be tens and hundreds and even thousands of people watching and enjoying.

I would like to say that this doesn’t bother me. But it does. As evidenced by the above text exchange.

There are many possible reasons why there aren’t many folks joining on the live streams:

• They’re at a weird time. I still am holding onto the idea that 12:30pm on a Friday is a time when people might want to take a leisurely lunch and hop on a fun live chat with someone cool. But the numbers suggest otherwise.

• Substack does not make it at all easy to find and watch live events. This is especially true if you don’t already subscribe to that particular Substack. The wife tells me this frequently, and she’s right. There are silly and frustrating hoops that it makes you jump through in order to simply click a link and watch something.

• People simply don’t know about them. It’s a chicken and egg thing. I do my best to spread the word about upcoming shows to my network. But my network is relatively small. Small number of Substack subscribers, small number of email subscribers, small number of social media followers. And, probably most importantly, a small amount of time in my daily Dad life on which to spend growing these buckets of people.

But all of this is actually beside the point.

The point is I will certainly make no progress in growing the audience for these shows by kicking myself about how few people currently watch them. And yes, it was a joke. But it definitely came out of a very real insecurity. Why chase after really cool guests if no one is going to see them?

It makes me very sad that I wasn’t able to pull in anyone to watch really amazing and talented people like Jennifer Gasoi, Princess and The Bear, Allegra Chapman (she/her), Billie Butler, Jennifer Wilder, and so many others.

And we have some really exciting folks coming up. And I truly hope– and will do my best to ensure – that an audience shows up to appreciate them.

But, even if they don’t, I know that I need to listen to the positive voices in my head and remember that it takes time to build something wonderful. And I am truly fortunate to have had the amazing guests I have had and those coming in the future to help me build this.

Now, with all that said, my next guest on Friday’s show, April 17 at 12:30pm, is the return of the amazing Katie DeBonville. If you haven’t yet tuned in to her wit, wisdom, and humor, you’re missing out.

And the day before, please come out and see us in person at the second installment of Exeter Open Mic Night, Thursday, April 16, 7pm at Water Street Bookstore in beautiful downtown Exeter. Bring something to read, or bring your ears and heart to listen.

See y’all soon.

❤️
Adam

1. Well, except this past Friday. You can read what happened here.