My goofy mother-in-law

A belated memoriam: Gail Young Roemmelt

Many of the poems in Every Day, Luv talk about the fact that, for much of 2021, my wife’s mother, Gail Young Roemmelt, lived with us. They also chronicle the emotional transition our family went through when we realized her needs were more than we could handle and she would have to move out of our condo and into a memory care facility. It’s not easy to care for an elderly parent, whose mind and body are starting to go. It was a source of enormous stress (many days, it was more stress than anything else). But, looking back at it now, it was also a privilege. One that I am very grateful to have had.

Gail was truly the goofiest person I know (and I’m pleased to report that this goofiness has passed on genetically to our daughter). This goofiness remained despite an extremely difficult personal life, including a difficult relationship with her mother and brother and a crushing divorce that has lingering effects on our family to this day.

And yet, despite all this, maybe because of it, she became a beacon of light to her daughters and her students. She was, first and foremost, an educator. And apparently a pretty good one – she maintained close, personal relationships with many of her students throughout her life. She was always hopeful, inspirational, and, yes, goofy.

When she came to live with us, those first few months were a truly special time between her and I. As we did our best to incorporate her into our lives, there were tensions between her and my wife, and Gail sort of retreated to me as someone who stood a little outside the fray of a mother/daughter squabble. This was, to say the least, frustrating for my wife. But I would be lying if I said I didn’t on some level appreciate the attention as the “favorite.“

When Gail eventually had to move to a memory care facility, that became our family’s little home away from home. We spent a lot of time there (towards the end, the wife was there every day), but Sundays were official “visiting grandma Gigi days.” And because of that, I always looked forward to Sundays.

On Sundays, we would eat together, watch movies¹, play Go Fish or bingo, take walks, read books out loud, sit outside in the nice weather, and occasionally I would hop on the common room piano in an attempt to noodle out a favorite song of hers (something from The Beatles or John Denver…)

In between the Every Day, Luv launch party in October and its formal release in December, Gail passed away, following a long struggle with Lewy body dementia.

After she passed, one of the saddest lingering questions was, what are we going to do on Sundays? They still feel a little weird, a little unsettled. Whatever we’re doing as a family, I still find myself thinking, well let’s wrap this up because we should get over to Gigi’s. Similar to when I think my dad is just a phone call away, even though he’s been gone over 2 1/2 years. Hopefully, they’re hanging together, a couple of old goofballs puttering around the great wherever and whenever.

1. It was on Sundays that the wife and I became intimately familiar with the cinematic offerings of the Hallmark Channel, which was Gail’s default station. I have much more to say about this and find the whole narrative universe of this channel fascinating, and at times, quite enjoyable. I miss it.