Five bits of advice for dads of special needs kids
(Works for moms, too)
Take time alone when you are offered it. This might be the most important one. And by time alone, I don’t mean “hey honey, you can go out with the boys tonight.“ I mean it’s 9pm on a day that began at 5am and someone needs to make a run so the car has gas first thing tomorrow or the kid has beans for her lunch the next day. It may seem like hopping in the car at that moment is the last thing you want to do, but, trust me, that small sliver of solitude can be a godsend when you are needed to be of service to others at every other moment
When you have the chance to eat, eat. I’m not very good at this one. Most meals involve the wife, daughter, and I each eating at different times. Most mealtimes feature myself feeding our kiddo and I find it difficult to focus on both tasks simultaneously, so my meal waits till later. This tends to make my day a bit longer than it needs to be.
It’s all hands on deck. If you and your better half have settled into a routine where they are doing the primary hands-on work and you are taking a backseat, rest assured that’s not going to be very good for very long. You will need to share the driver’s seat, whether it’s hands in poop, chopping and pureeing food, or helping your daughter kick a ball on the soccer field, this isn’t a one parent job.
Settle in, you’re going to be here a while. When most of your fellow parents of “normally abled” kids have been able to take the victory lap and watch their offspring walk on their own two feet, put food in their own mouths, skip off to school and gradually lead more independent lives, you very well may still be in full caregiver mode, assisting your child with the everyday, all day. I guarantee at some point you will look at them and think, “why do they get to do that and I’m stuck here?” Rest assured, you are on the right path.
Don’t worry. At first glance, this one seems impossible. You’re going to worry. It’s part of the job. But whatever health, behavioral, or physical challenges your urchin may have, they have one thing that other kids don’t. They have you. And, even though there will be many days where it doesn’t seem like it, that is enough.
❤️
Adam
This is beautiful, Adam.