First school dance
And the teenage adventure begins...
My daughter just told us that she wants to go to the sixth grade dance. Her first school dance. Just over a week away.
I was under the impression this wasn’t going to start until next year. That the wife and I would have time to prepare. That the train we’re on had working brakes and wasn’t about to start careening down the tracks at a way-too-fast pace.
Where is that emergency brake, again?
Many of you with kids in middle school or who at some point had kids in middle school know what this is. The naive and innocent days of elementary school are still visible in the rear view mirror so how can we already have arrived at a major pre-teen milestone? The days of circle time, show and tell, picture books, and recess still feel very present, even when our not-so-little one has been indicating for months that she has firmly put them in the past.
You know what this is. Sending your kid off to a makeshift cafeteria/speakeasy packed with sixth graders who are in various stages of pre-teen. Some dipping their toes in, some wading knee-deep, some ignoring it altogether.
Where our own child falls on this spectrum is slowly unfolding. She has started to show interest in the romantic subplots of movies that used to be entirely about singing and dancing and spectacle (Zac Efron in The Greatest Showman…so dreamy…) She has started to show interest in a graphic novel series that features a hunky gardener’s son who for some reason goes shirtless for the first half of the first book
But you don’t know what this is. Because, odds are, your kid is not like our kid.
Our daughter has special needs. She needs physical assistance from an adult with most activities, gets around in a wheelchair, and is non-verbal. She communicates with a computer that responds to her eye gaze1, and with a series of low tech, choice-based tools.
These all present unique challenges for a 12-year-old who is very interested in being social with her friends, and meeting new friends, with as little interaction from grown-ups as possible. But someone needs to be on hand to help her get around, use the bathroom, eat and drink, etc.
That someone in most situations outside of school is usually me. But, as much as our little girl loves her father, I guarantee you there is no person in the world she would be less excited about having with her at a school dance.
And with good reason. I can’t pass as a sixth grade girl and should never try. I can’t speak sixth-grade-girl and would sound ridiculous if I tried.
So how do we ensure she is supported and safe and has the best time possible, all while staying as out of the way as possible?
Welcome to the brave new world of parenting a special needs teenager. Wish us luck.
❤️
Adam
Yes, it’s as cool as it sounds. 🙂
I love this piece. It has everything to do with being a kid and being a watchful parent. What happens to a father-daughter relationship when dad HAS to be there? I guess we have to wait to see how it turns out.
Oh, such a tender transition point for all of you! Sending good wishes all around.